In the evening you scroll through Instagram for a moment to unwind. An influencer shows a coat that looks perfect. You tap on it, the web shop opens, it says “only 2 left in stock” and there is a discount code that expires tonight. Three minutes later you have placed an order. The next morning you wonder whether you actually needed that coat.
If that sounds familiar, you are certainly not alone. Nor is it proof that you have no willpower. The environment in which you shop today has been carefully designed to make you decide quickly. In this article we look not at your character, but at that environment: how advertising, social media and web shops play on you, and how you can make yourself more resilient against them.
Why temptation works so well
In 1996 psychologist George Loewenstein described how strong feelings, such as desire, hunger or excitement, powerfully steer our behaviour in the moment. As long as you are in that state, the purchase seems obvious. Afterwards, once the feeling has gone, you no longer quite understand why you gave in so quickly. That gap between your “hot” and your “cold” state explains why good intentions so often lose out to an offer at ten o’clock at night.
On top of that, we constantly compare ourselves with others. Psychologist Leon Festinger described this as early as 1954 in his theory of social comparison: we judge ourselves by looking at others. On social media you mostly see other people’s best moments: new kitchens, trips, outfits. That can give you the feeling that you are falling behind, and buying then seems a way to keep up.
In their book Nudge (2008), Richard Thaler and Cass Sunstein showed how strongly the way choices are presented influences our behaviour. What is ticked by default, what appears at the top, what can be done with one click: it all makes a difference. That insight is used to help people, for example with automatic saving, but also to get them to buy more quickly.
The tricks of the digital shop
If you know how temptation is organised, you recognise it sooner. Some commonly used techniques:
- Time pressure and scarcity. Countdown clocks, “only 3 left” or “15 people are looking at this right now”. They push you to decide before you have thought it through.
- One click. Saved card details and quick payment buttons remove every pause for thought from the buying process.
- Pay later. “Buy now, pay later” feels as if you are not spending anything. But deferred payments add up, and sometimes there are costs if you pay late.
- Personalised advertising. Algorithms learn what appeals to you and show you exactly that, at the moment you are most susceptible.
- Hidden advertising. A recommendation from an influencer feels like advice from a friend, while there is often a commercial arrangement behind it.
In many countries, advertising must always be recognisable as advertising, including when an influencer makes it. In addition, more and more rules, such as the European Digital Services Act, prohibit online platforms from designing their interfaces in a way that deceives or manipulates users, the so-called “dark patterns”. And in many countries you have a cooling-off period for online purchases, for example 14 days in the European Union: you can then cancel the purchase without giving a reason. Find out about the rules in your country.
An example: Amber
Amber (26) works in care and has recently started living on her own. She noticed that she was regularly short of money at the end of the month, without really knowing why. When she laid three months of bank statements side by side, she got a shock: a large part of her spending consisted of small online purchases, often ordered in the evening, and a few subscriptions she hardly used any more.
Instead of banning herself from buying, she changed her environment. She removed her card details from the web shops she used most often, turned off notifications from shopping apps and unfollowed a few accounts that always left her feeling worse. For anything over 30 euros she used a simple rule: first onto a wish list, and only decide after a week. “Half of that list I no longer want after a week,” she laughs. “And what I do buy, I’m really happy with now.”
How to build resilience against temptation
Relying on willpower alone does little good. It is better to arrange your environment and your habits so that the good choice becomes the easy one. These steps can help:
- Build in friction. Delete saved payment details, log out of web shops and take shopping apps off your home screen. Every extra step gives you a moment to think.
- Limit the triggers. Unsubscribe from newsletters with offers, turn off push notifications and unfollow accounts that mainly stir up desire. What you don’t see, you usually don’t miss.
- Make an if-then plan. Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer (1999) showed that intentions are more likely to succeed if you link them to a concrete situation. For example: “If I want to buy something in the evening, then I’ll put it on my wish list and only decide at the weekend.”
- Know your vulnerable moments. Tired, bored, stressed or just had a difficult day? Then your resistance is lower. If you notice that, consciously choose something else: a walk, calling someone, going to bed earlier.
- Look back regularly. Go through your spending once a month. Not to judge yourself, but to spot patterns. Your regular subscriptions also deserve a critical look now and then.
A short exercise: note your temptations for a week
For one week, make a note every time you feel like buying something you hadn’t planned. Write down briefly: what did you want to buy, where did you see it, how did you feel at that moment and what did you end up doing? You don’t have to change anything, just observe.
At the end of the week you will often see a clear pattern: certain apps, certain times of day or certain feelings that keep coming back. That pattern is your starting point. You now know exactly where to build in friction. If you are in two minds about a specific purchase, the six questions of the tool Purchase decision: will you wait a little longer? help you choose calmly. And with the Subscription audit you can see in a few minutes what your subscriptions cost you per year.
Choosing from calm, not from triggers
Being resilient against temptation does not mean you can never buy anything nice again. It means that you decide, not the countdown clock or the algorithm. Every purchase you make consciously leaves more room for what really matters: a buffer, a dream you are saving for, or simply the peace of knowing your account will make it to the end of the month. That is financial self-care: letting your money work for your own values, rather than for other people’s marketing plans.
If you notice that buying has become a way for you to cope with stress or low mood, and you can’t break that pattern on your own, talk about it with your GP or a care professional. There is nothing shameful about that. If you want to keep building conscious money habits yourself, the online course The road to financial well-being takes you through it step by step.